On R & R

Ahhh...on my 4 day pass to Doha. It's very nice to be away from work and having to wear my uniform every day (I'm wearing PTs everyday instead). Had I known, I would have brought more civilian clothes with me from the States and I'd be wearing those instead, but that goes into the "things the never tell you" category. I was worried that this trip would be another exercise in military stupidity because our travel day was...longer than it should have been. We had to show up at BIAP 3 hours before our plane left. Luckily there is a new USO that just opened up, so there was at least shade to sit under while we waited in 110-degree weather for the flight. After our lovely C-130 flight into Al Udeid, we processed through customs and were told to wait in a tent while they called for a bus to take us over to the R&R camp.
So we went to the tent, which had no air conditioning. Now, the sun had gone down, so it was only about 100 degrees, and the breeze made it almost comfortable. After an hour and a half, we were asking where the bus was. The excuse we got was "there aren't enough of you here yet to warrant a bus, we're waiting on the next flight to get in." What? How stupid is that? Illogical yes, but I wouldn't put it past the Army to do something like that. So we grumbled and sweated and waited another hour. I finally found a set of empty pallets outside and laid down and went to sleep. After 4 hours, the bus pulled up and we all got on. No other flight came, in fact, the Army didn't even know our flight had arrived! So we waited for 4 hours for no reason. Lovely.
We finally got to the R&R location, and it's actually pretty nice. Aside from the repent all your wordly sins heat, it's pleasant. There's a pool, a decent little PX, and an R&R center with video games, a USO, restaurants, and an authorized 3 beers a day!
Porbably the best part of this is the outings the staff runs. There are trips into downtwon Doha for shopping, tours of the city, crusies on fishing dhows to go swim in the Persian Gulf, jet-ski trips, and even golf at a local course. Most cost money, but it's pretty inexpensive, sort of like the shore excursions when you're on a cruise.
Mostly though, I'm enjoying the free high-speed wireless and not having to keep a work schedule. I've got 2 days left and plan on enjoying myself to the utmost. I might as well, before I go back to the daily grind of Baghdad.
The new USO at BIAP. Makes you appreciate those fancy "indoor" airports in the U.S.

Me at dinner on one of the R&R trips. We went to the local "souqs" for some inexpensive jewelry and local culture. The food was excellent, and when you haggle the merchants down to half their original asking price or less, it makes you feel like you're getting a good deal. We didn't haggle over dinner though, I think that's frowned upon.

Another shopping trip for souveniers to bring back to Patti and Lorelei. This mall was built to immitate the Venetian casino in Vegas. It's pretty impressive, but having seen both, the Venetian hits the illusion of being outdoors much better. There's more shopping at the mall though, including a Tiffany & Co, Gucci, Luis Vuiton, Armani, and more. There was a Maserati and a Lambourghini parked outside when we drove up. Think about that next time you fill up your Honda for $3.50 a gallon.

On the street in the old souqs. It's sort of like an up-scale outdoor mall meets a street bazaar. You have 5-star Italian restaurants around the corner from the camel market. No kidding, the camel market. We were told not to buy any animals though. Come on, you can fit a camel on a 463L pallet right?

Thoughts on the Army

The Army, in its infantine..I mean...infinite wisdom decided that the IAG should be no more and we are now all moved into FUOPS (Future Operations). Sounds neat huh? Fine, a move is okay with me, except, it was about a week AFTER we moved offices and got new bosses that one of esteemed O-6's remarked, "we need to figure out what it is you guys do and see if it belongs in FUOPS or somewhere else." Blink, blink. Why not find out what we do THEN decide where to move us? Okay, logic aside...then began the month long "booger flicking" contest between every full-bird colonel on the staff. Everybody wanted the people from IAG, but nobody wanted the work we were doing. IN hte mean-time the transition teams who the IAG had existed to support, were all left in the lurch until the headquarters people got their collective "heads" out of their rear "quarters." (I think that's how the name started in the first place). Anyway, I was thinking the other day about how accurately the writer's of "M.A.S.H." actually got it when commenting about the Army, eventhough that was over 20 years ago. Here's a few random thoughts on what "M.A.S.H." had spot-on:
-Monochrome world: In one episode, Hawkeye bemoans the fact thay all he sees is green. Everywhere it's green green green. In the real world, it's tan. Tan desert, tan vehicles, tan uniforms, heck, even the buildings are tan!
-Food: The same thing, all the time. Powdered eggs, mystery meatloaf, bland...everything. Too true
-Practical jokes: Many an episode featured the antics of the surgical staff. There exists today the same need for a little insanity to keep your sanity.
-IDF (aka "shelling"): Yup, still scares the crap out of you.
-Roommates: There was always a less-than-desireable roomate in "The Swamp" and it still holds true today. Little privacy and someone always has a bad roommate story.
-Latrines: Just a short 1/4 mile away in the middle of the night!
- R&R: Always looking for that 3 or 4 day pass to Tokyo. Oh yeah, just got my 4-day pass to Doha and I am ready! Next post will be from Doha, Qatar, maybe with pics!

People...ask the question you want answered, PLEASE!

With a new office usually comes new co-workers, and my latest move from what was the Iraq Assistance Group (IAG) into Fturue Operations (FUOPS) is no different. Instead of being focused solely on passing information to and from the coalition Transition Teams, I have the added responsibility of being a "subject matter expert" for all things borders in Iraq. When the folks at FUOPS are deep in the throes of the planning process and they need to know if/how the border security forces will be affected, they come to me for my thoughts on the subject. Don't worry, I have 3 retired Customs/Immigration Federal Agents that provide the real expertise when it comes to law enforcement, but I still have the low-down on Iraq's bordr forces. Anywa, I usually get at least twice a week the following: "Tell me everything you know about borders." (or a variation thereof). Really? Everything? Okay...they're at the edge of things, usually annotated by a line of some sort. Map makers are quite fond of them because it makes it easier to know where to stop coloring pink and to start coloring yellow or blue. It's the name of a bookstore. It's also a type of collie that has an innate need to herd things (sheep, people, cars)...Shall I go on? I think the next time I get that vague question my response will be wild-eyed, furtive glances and a panicked "They've got us surrounded!" If they laugh, I'll help; if not, they're oxygen thieves and I'll turn back to my sudoku.

Stephen Colbert stole my Sharpie!

So there I was...where was I? In Al Faw Palace witnessing the amazing transformation of the rotunda into a TV studio for "The Colbert Report!" Not only is it cool that one of my favorite shows came all the way to Baghdad to film a week of shows, but I got to be in the audience for one of them! I even got to be on TV (for my 15 milliseconds of fame as the camera panned over the crowd). This was the first time a TV show has actually filmed and broadcast from a combat zone. Stephen and his crew were all very nice and did what they could to accomodate autographs and photos, even in the midst of all the work of producing a TV show. I did not get a photo with Stephen but I did get an autograph. But there's a dark side to the story.
At the end of the last show, 2 folks from my office and I descended from the 3rd floor to try to get a picture on the stage before the crew started tearing everything back down. We were denied, because Stephen was taking pictures with his crew and with the soliders who worked all week playing roadie for the show. Side note, so they get deployed to do THAT? Anyway, whilst denied the chance for a photo, one of the guys I was with suggested we try to get Stephen to sign a poster-sized IAG (see previous post) logo we have. We ran back upstairs, grabbed the 4' x 4' poster and went back to try to catch Stephen before he left. We once again were rebuffed by overly self-important MPs. However, one of our little band was friends with the Public Affairs Lt who was ostensibly running things, and he called her over, and asked if she would take the poster back to get Stephen to sign it. She said she would try. However, there was nothing with which to sign the poster! I quickly came to the rescue and offered my trusty black Sharpie that, as a trained higher-headquarters-staff killer, I carry with me at all times. The day was saved! A few minutes later, the Lt returned with our poster, complete with a John Hancock-sized autograph from Stephen. But wait! Where was the Sharpie? I know not. It was not returned and so I can only surmise that STEPHEN COLBERT STOLE MY SHARPIE!! If you see him, tell him I want it back. It was a nice one with the grippy stuff on the front too.
What was the Al Faw Rotunda is now the "Colbert Report" studio.
I did manage to sit in Stephen's chair on stage, but this was before they started taping the shows, and the stage hands had taken down all the "sandbags" that were made up to look like an American flag. Too bad, but I did get on stage! I really liked the backdrop that they used for the show all week. They used the palace, an M1 tank, an aircraft carrier, a squadron of F-16s, and a squadron of port-o-johns!

Pre-show. Shortly after I got this picture we were all told to go stay in our seats. Somebody must have started some trend that the security folks didn't like. Great, they ruined it for everyone!

At the end of the rehearsal show. Stephen went and sat in the crowd. Can you find him? I'll give you a hint, he's wearing green.

Halfway is far enough!

50% down, 50% to go. I cut out a couple hours early tonight (only did 12 hours at work today instead of my usual 14) so I could have time to write this entry and still get 6 hours of sleep tonight. The unit I was assigned to initially over here is no more. The Iraq Assistance Group (or IAG) is dissolved as of today. We had a ceremony to case the unit colors and all the soldiers changed their uniform patches from the "Big Red 1" of the 1st Infantry Division to the Multi-National Corps-Iraq (MNC-I) patch. I got a new patch too, since I wear the Army uniform outside the wire, but I was wearing my Air Force uniform today, and thus, no patches to change. So a new unit, what does that mean? Nothing really. I still have the same amount of work, or more, to do, it just means I have a new set of bosses to run everything through. That, and I'm not even sure to what organization I am assigned at the moment. Regardless, the actual "work" of advising the IRaqi Security Forces is still being done by the Airmen, Soldiers, Marines, and Sailors in the transition teams out there on the border. IAG may be gone, but the job still needs to be done.
But enough about my lack of a clear assignment, that hasn't changed in 3 months, so why should it be any different now? In looking both back and forward at the same length of time, it feels like I'm halfway down a very long tunnel. I can't see a light on either end yet, but I know I want to get out somehow. That's a pretty depressing thought, so I tried to come up with the "10 best things about being over here" to try to keep my spirits up. Here goes:
10: The food is free (but you get what you pay for)
9: Bonus pay (for getting shot at and not being with your family, not worth it)
8: You never have to decide what to wear each day
7: You never wonder what the weather will be like (hot and dusty, or dusty and hot?)
6: Someone does your laundry for you (but it takes 3 days, and you can only wash 28 items at a time, yes, 28, not kidding)
5: Free access to a 24-hour gym (and the only time it's not crowded is 3 AM)
4: Immersion language training in Arabic (not really, though I occaisionally see one or two Iraqis and get to say "hello" as I pass by).
3: Free beer! (non-alcoholic only)
2: Care packages from family and friends (oh yes, very nice!)
and the number 1 best thing about being in Iraq...
1: The day I go home to see my wonderful wife and daughter gets closer every day!

40% done, 60% to go

40% done and 60% to go, almost half-way, there is light at the end of the tunnel (just the tunnel is full of dust, sand, and it's 110 degrees.) My monotony was broken up recently by a trip to a Port of Entry (or POE). I had been trying to get out to see the border, any border, since I got here and I finally got the chance. The POE I visited is called Zurbatiyah (don't worry about pronouncing it correctly, there are as many variations as there are spellings for the place, and all of them correct). For those that have not been educated in the ways of customs and border control, a POE is the place where ostensibly a country's government looks at what you are trying to bring into the country and decides 1.) if it is legal to import it and 2.) how much to charge you for importing it. This applies to people as well as goods. At Zurbatiyah, and most of the Iranian border crossings, there is little to no export traffic. In fact, for the entire time we were there, there were only vehicles and people coming in, nobody was leaving.
Anyway, I have not been to a POE in the United States, but I imagine there are probably better facilities, and we probably have things like power, sewage, and reliably clean water. Not so here in Iraq. The few buildings on the port were in rough shape, the "bathrooms" were a Dante-esque vision of hygiene gone terribly wrong, all the electricity is from generators. They have power lines, but they aren't connected to anything. Their water purification system has been broken for some time because people have been stealing parts off it, and the trash removal consists of small trash pits throughout the port where trash is buried and/or burned.
Despite all that, the people are actually doing a good job. They work all day long in the heat without complaint, and seem dedicated to their jobs. What also impressed me was the attitudes of the people entring the country. They have to stand in line for 6 or 8 hours outside, and nobody seemed angry or upset, and not an iPod or PSP in sight! Try that in America.
I don't want to paint too rosey of a picture though. Anyplace where money changes hands is an opportunity for corruption to take place, and the POE is no different. When cargo trucks enter, they are supposed to be weighed so an accurate tax can be assessed. However, the truck scales are broken. There is also a lot of produce that comes across the border that shippers want to get through customs as quickly as possible. So enter the noble customs brokers! These selfless individuals help out by estimating taxes and tarriffs, making sure shipper's paperwork is all correct, and basically trying to smooth the process of importing and exporting goods. Sounds great huh? Well, these guys end up being the ones that run the port, and they are just one or two pepperonis away from being the Mafia. They're really stealing money from the government, but they're tolerated because "that's just the way it is" and they make sure to limit the criminal activity in and around the port (IEDs and rocket attacks are bad for business). Anyway it was a good trip, and a chance to get out from behind the desk, even for a day standing in the 110 degree heat!

The sign welcoming travelers to the country. Funny, I didn't see this sign when I got off the C-130 in Baghdad!

We got to climb up one of the guard towers on the Iraq-side of the POE and got a bird's-eye view of things. On the right is inbound cargo truck traffic and under the shade structure on the left are the people (about 3,000+ per day) waiting to enter.

The "baggage boys" in this picture get money from the travelers coming in to take all the luggage and move it through the entry process. Think sky-caps in the desert. Iranian busses are not allowed into Iraq, so travelers get off their Iranian bus, go through customs, cross-load all their bags onto an Iraqi bus, and keep going. This picture also shows the broken water purification system (red barrels on left), the old restaurant on the port (right) that the U.S. advisory team made them close because of the cess-pool of sewage and trash right next to it (middle).

We got to visit a Border Fort that was right on the POE as well. (It looks like a giant sand castle)

The Iran-Iraq border, and yes, that is a real Iranian standing guard in the tower.

Here's my self-portrait on the helicopter on the way back to Baghdad. We flew pretty low and fast (had to swerve to avoid flocks of birds and someone flying a kite), so it was an exciting ride, especially me facing backwards the whole time!

A sign I hope we can all see pretty soon.

Friendly Fire Incident

Unfortunately we had a friendly fire incident here on the Victory Base Complex last night, but I'm okay. CNN has the details, so I won't go into it here, but it's something that we've talked about here before, the "what would happen if..." scenarios because literally everyone is armed all the time. It's just a shame that it did happen. Also pretty scary.
Otherwise, things here have been very "groundhog day"-like, just doing the same thing over and over again. Wake up, eat, go to work, go to the gym, work, eat, work, eat, work, sleep, repeat. I may have some news and more photos later, but not much for now.

32% done, 125 days to go

Happy May Day! It's also Labor Day here in Iraq, though I'm not sure if that means people here actually GET jobs instead of taking time off from work. Of course, that does not mean I get any time off work, the powerpoint slides must be updated, no matter the cost. Staff work is really dreary, and one of my lunch companions and I had a discussion on things. It seems like we (and I mean the military, specifically the staff to which I am currently assigned) are producing a product for the sake of the product, in this case a daily "quad chart" showing the significant events of the day. It doesn't matter that it may just be another Tuesday when nothing of any real significance occurs, I still have to fill out a quad chart. Unfortunately this leads to me having to be somewhat "creative" in determining what is quad-worthy. Sometimes the significant events of "that day" actually occurred several days ago, but I hoarded the knowledge like some sort of cerebral chipmunk (good band name, eh?), hoping to use it during an activity famine. Other times I end up making something rather insignificant into something that sounds like it needs immediate attention and the full power of the U.S. Army focused on it (not that this ever happens). In some ways, what I do can almost qualify me to work in the 24-hour news media like CNN or Fox News! Maybe a second career opportunity? Perhaps I will start tagging my quad charts with "Fair and Balanced" in hopes that saying it enough times will make it true.
Nevertheless, the days here are beginning to take on that dragging, repetitive quality now. For example, if not for the wonderful calendar Patti sent me in the last care package, I would have no idea that today really is a Friday, or is it a Thursday? Saturday? It's one endless parade of dusty sunrises, the same food at the chow hall...er, "Dining Facility"...a break to go to the gym, and back to quad charts! Anyway, the call of the office is upon me and I should return soon lest some earth-shaking happening like the "sun rose again today, in approximately the same location as yesterday" go mercifully unreported.

The President and the Sandstorm

Sounds kind of like a children's story doesn't it? Well, it has been busy here, a welcome change from the first few weeks of this little "vacation." Yes, I got to see the President (kind of). While I do work in Al Faw palace, and he did speak at Al Faw palace, I was one of about 2,000 people there that day. The media reported a few hundred, but they weren't counting everyone who was already there because they work there! The balconies were crammed full of people trying to get a view/photo, to the point where I thought we were in danger of having a catastrophic structural failure, especially since this place was built using bubblegum and scotch tape. I was stuck on the third floor since they closed off all the staircases for the duration of his visit, but I did manage to get one semi-good photo. Trust me, the black man speaking on stage really IS President Obama, REALLY!
And now the Sandstorm. No, Obama wasn't caught in a sandstorm (though wouldn't that have been an exciting media moment?). I was. Just this week I was to accompany my boss' boss (Brigadier General Walker) to a conference in one of the border regions. We were supposed to fly out to a place near Ramadi, about 150 Km west of Baghdad. It should have been a short 30 minute C-130 flight to Al Asad airbase where we were to get on a Marine CH-53 helicopter and fly into the conference sight. We had with us the Iraqi Director of Ports of Entry (a 2-star general), one of the Ports of Entry directors (a 1-star general), and a regional border brigade commander (a Colonel). We ended up flying halfway across Iraq to the north to pick up some other people going to the confrence, and then heading back south to Al Asad. What shold have been a 30-minute direct flight, ended up being a 2-hour flight with an extra stop. Once we got to Al Asad, we thought all was going well, since our helos for the next flight arrived on time, we all loaded up and then took off. Then we turned around, and landed back at Al Asad. It turns out a nasty sand storm was on the way and we couldn't fly, well, we could fly, just not land which is an important part of the flight some would argue. Anyway, so we got stuck at Al Asad, and what was going to be a day trip to Ramadi, turned into an overnight stay in Iraq's western desert in a sand storm. At least I was able to stay in some nice temporary billeting (travelling with generals has its advantages), but I learned a valuable lesson. Always listen to the advice from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, always bring a towel. It would have made the overnight stay MUCH more tolerable. Still I got to sit and take notes as General Walker discussed issues with two Iraqi generals, and I learned first hand quite a bit about Iraqi culture and perspectives. I also found the answer to a long-time question of mine. When working with a forgein leader through an interpreter, its proper to keep eye contact with the foregin leader while the interpreter is speaking, which is harder to do than you might imagine. Try responding to questions someone is asking aloud while focusing on someone who isn't talking.

Yes, this IS the President down there. I like this picture because it shows the crowd and the excitement more than it shows the President, a perspective the press didn't show.

Here is lovely Al Asad airbase. It used to be an Iraqi Air Force base, and now the Marines have taken it over. Not much out there but sand and wind.

Our ride into Ramadi that ended up being a big lap in the sky.

And this was why we couldn't fly. Umm, which way was the chow hall again?

Some people like walks on the sand. I got to take a walk IN the sand! The mask and glasses is not to look like some train-robbing bandito, but to let me breathe without inhaling the dust; it's like brown talcum powder. Hmm...train robbing asa second career maybe? Probably more time at home with the family...

31 days and 17% down, 151 days and 83% to go

Greetings and salutations! I have another few minuteso n a slow Sunday morning and it's time to update y'all on the goings-on here. I have actually had a pretty busy week or two, a welcome change from the first several days here. At the end of each month I have to put together end-of-month reports and summaries, so it does take a bit of my time. Our Commanding General (or CG) also got back from leave and so he is driving a lot more taskers to get done. The good thing is that it's making the time go by faster! There's been a lot of turn-over in people here this month, and so I've taken a trip or two to go out and meet some of the new people that I'll be working with and for them to meet me. One of these was to FOB (Forward Operating Base) Prosperity in the International Zone, or IZ, which used to be called the Green Zone, which used to be called a big target. The folks I visited lived and worked in a bombed out palace that, to the best of my knowledge is called the "palace of the four heads" mainly because sadaam had four giant sculptures of his head in brinze or something placed out front. The heads are gone now, one is in the Smithsonian (or so I hear) one may be in the British Museum, and the other two may be in the Baghdad museum which just recently opened up. I'm sure given a few years, someone will make a movie about them. Indiana Jones and the Four Heads! National Treasure...Baghdad's Big Heads! But I digress. The palace is still standing (obviously since people work there) even though 7 JDAMs hit it in 2003. I got to go up on the roof and get some pics of the damage that 7 500-pound bombs can do to poorly put together steel and concrete. Emphasis on the poorly put together too, seeing the construction of some of these buildings is absolutely terrifying, especially when you're standing 100 feet up on top of it! I think the buildings stay up because they're so light due to all the voids in the concrete (ask a civil engineer or anyone who knows what a "slump test" is and they'll tell you voids are bad things, especially in load-bearing walls). The trip over to FOB Prosperity was an uneventful event. I mean that because it was my first convoy, and it was extremely boring, which is a very good thing. The situation over here has gotten much safer, to the point where taking the armored bus (affectionately called the Rhino) from Camp Victory over to the IZ is a pretty dull, everyday thing. We still have to wear all our "battle rattle" but the threat has been significantly reduced. The Iraqi Army is ensuring the roads in Baghdad are much safer than in the past.
I'm starting to settle in and figure out the way the Army does business. They like to have meetings, a LOT of meetings. They even have meetings to get readty for pre-meetings before they have a meeting (I'm not exagerating either). They will hold a meeting to get ready for a teleconference during which they will discuss what they're going to say at the next teleconference. Maybe that's just headquarters staff in general, but it makes me crazy! I was in a meeting where we spent 15 minutes of intense discussion on whether to change a rating scale from 4 colors to 3 and the potential impacts. The best part is, they tabled the discussion until the next meeting! I'm amazed anything gets done at all. Well, I should really get going, it's time for me to get back to work, fighting the insurgency one PowerPoint slide at a time!



Don't ever accuse the Army of being unsafe. See how concerned they were about some spilled oil in the parking lot? If you look close enough, there may be room for 1 more cone...
Here's an entry hole from one of the JDAMs that hit the "four heads Palace"

From the roof of the palace we could see the second largest mosque in the world, apparently still unders construction.

Here I am on top of the "Four Heads Palace" with evidence of what happens when you make yourself a target for the Air Force.

Waiting for the "Rhino." See Mom, I'm being safe and wearing all the protective stuff they issued me.